Laugh More, Worry Less: A Modern Approach to Wellbeing

On a recent trip back to Canada to see my parents, I found an old photograph of my mother when she was perhaps in her early 20s. In it, she was laughing so hard, her smile was as wide as it could get. I could actually feel the belly-ache from that laughter through that photo.

My mother's life hasn't been easy but one thing I know for sure--she loves to laugh and is a huge giggler. Even when I was growing up in our tiny apartment in Hong Kong, I remember it being filled with their friends who would pop over randomly. My mom would feed them with whatever we had, and the place would be filled with laughter. It made me wonder, would my child think of me this way one day? Or would he remember me as the worrier, the angry mum who was constantly telling him to clean his room and to get off the screen?

The truth of the matter is, I don’t remember the last time I truly laughed--like tears rolling down my face kind of laughter. I know I've had those moments, but in the last few years it has felt like the occurrences have been few and far between.

Actually, that's not entirely true. I have laughed out loud while watching cat and dog videos that you find on the socials. I send them to my husband, child, and friends. In my opinion, that's what the internet is for.

Let’s face it, looking at the world today, there’s not always much to laugh about. So many of us are just trying to make it to tomorrow. And yet, I can’t help noticing that even in our survival mode, our worries are real—deeply felt, urgent, heavy—even if someone else’s life carries a weight far beyond ours. It’s a strange balance: honouring your own struggle while knowing the world holds so many others, each with their own.

It's Monday. Start of the week. I'm out walking my dog. It's grey and cold. Everything around me seems quiet and just not in the mood to do anything other than to hibernate. Except for a few rowdy squirrels challenging their norm of hunkering down for winter there isn't much happening in my little corner of the world. It's perfect for where my head and body are at which is in recovery mode after weeks of a brutal flu that has left me feeling tired, ravaged, vulnerable, and--dare I say it--old.

Yet, in this weakened but healing state, I thought about the fact that it was Monday. I had attended my weekly pilates class. I was out walking my dog. I would return home to work and prepare for client sessions. I realised that this is my ambition come to life--a day of my design, a life of simplicity and agency. So why am I not enjoying it more? Why am I allowing myself to be swallowed whole by the worries of life? Why am I waiting for everything to be perfect--as in not having any more worries about bills, health, kid, parents, life--to find more ways to laugh and to feel lighter? Why am I only laughing at cat videos?

Late last year, I told my husband that I don't remember the last time I truly laughed. We're both self-employed and, as it has been for most people, it hasn't been easy. What is often collateral damage in the explosive nature of life's stresses is laughter. One Gallup report found 72% of adults report feeling stressed daily, with fun being the first thing sacrificed. Yet that is precisely when we need laughter and fun the most.

Even when we have one of the biggest reasons to be in a dark place--when we are grieving--humour often finds a way in—not because pain disappears, but because the body refuses to bear the weight of one feeling alone. Laughing and experiencing joy while feeling deep grief or stress aren't mutually exclusive. In a recent podcast interview with CNN's Anderson Cooper, the singer/songwriter Patti Smith explained it this way: "People should not feel it's wrong to feel joy in the centre of grief. We have to be able to go through the whole spectrum. It's part of being alive...If you're muting one part of your life, you're going to be muting the other."

Feelings don't lie neatly within us in piles where one is felt and then another feeling is felt right after. Multiple, even opposing feelings co-exist at the same time within us. Brené Brown calls it life's paradox. the psychologist and auther of Emotional Agility Susan David, describes it as "bothness".

But the problem is, and this goes to answer my own questions about why I haven't been laughing more, we give anxiety, worry, sadness, fear, insecurity prime real estate in our minds, we give those emotions more of our time and space in our inner landscape leaving joy and laughter to the wayside. We assume if we worry more, we are either preparing ourselves or protecting ourselves from assumed pain. Or in worry and in anxiety we think we will find solutions--solve the source of the pain first and the joy will come later. But you and I know that's not how it works.

The opposite of accepting and integrating "bothness" in our lives is what David calls "segmentation". She describes it this way: "Segmentation happens when we separate our lives into things we think about and things we do not think about, places we go and places we do not go, topics we discuss and those that are off limits. It often rears its head during challenging times."

It's the same for when we experience joy and laughter. We assume we have to earn it, wait for the clouds to pass before we can feel the light again. We segment our feelings when true emotional health is recognising that both experiences can co-exist--in fact they should, because no amount of worry or anxiety will stop us from experiencing pain. What it will do is stop us from experiencing even a moment of joy--a moment that could change the trajectory of what is causing us to worry.

Barbara Fredrickson, psychologist and author of Positivity writes, “Positive emotions broaden our sense of what’s possible and build our capacity to cope.” When we have expanded capacity, when we have a broadened sense of what is possible, we live in a powerful space (and state) where we focus on two things:

1) what we already have rather than what we don't and

2) the energy to find solutions rather than be stuck in our problems.

You see, anxiety resides in the past and the future which can feel draining. Laughing pulls us into the present which gives us the strength and energy to believe in what is possible.

So I want to laugh more. I want to have more fun. I have spent my entire life worried about the next thing, the next goal, the next rung of the ladder. I have spent enough time being the most acceptable version of me. Even thinking back into my teens and 20s, I worried about getting good grades so I could get into a good university, I worried about never doing anything silly to make sure I always had a good reputation (and not "bring shame to the family and community"), I worried about getting a good job, and the list goes on. I had fun, of course I did, but the prevailing and lasting feeling that I remember is that of worry.

When I attended the Business of Fashion Voices event in Oxordshire back in November, I made a conscious decision to enjoy myself. I met some wonderful people who I genuinely liked and on the last night, I drank champagne and danced like no one was watching at the gala after party. I stayed up till 2am--something I never do. I felt freer than I had ever felt because I wasn't yearning for anything. I wasn't wishing for a great job. I wasn't hoping for recognition or validation. I wasn't searching for a partner and a family. I was just enjoying being me in a room full of people I didn't know. It was such a wonderful, yet new feeling. The brilliant writer and producer Michaela Coel spoke about this during her McTaggart Lecture at the Edinburgh TV Festival in 2021 saying, “Joy is the reward for being yourself. Fun is not childish. It’s how we know where our spirit wants to go.”

Here's a sobering statistic: Adults laugh on average 15 times a day, compared with 400 times for preschoolers (Robert R. Provine, neuroscientist, Laughter: A Scientific Investigation, 2000). That gap is massive and indicative of our state of mind. We assume once we become adults, we have to "grow up" and that joy and laughter has its time and place. But laughter isn’t just silly; it reduces cortisol and triggers dopamine and endogenous opioids (Journal of Alternative and Complementary Medicine, 2011; Advances in Mind-Body Medicine, 2017). With stress listed by the World Health Organization as a leading factor in chronic illness globally (WHO, 2022), these small, ridiculous moments aren’t indulgent—they are survival tools for our minds.

Life gives us endless reasons to live in survival mode. Days, weeks, months, and years pass in a blink while we keep our heads down, avoiding what brings us joy. In this time, two things happen:

1) we lose perspective, which makes it harder to find solutions that actually work, and

2) we end up living in grey instead of multicolour, where joy, fun, and hope exist.

In all seriousness (I know, ironic), there is a reason for this. Laughter gets to the heart of who we are and what we want in our life. We assume it's laser-focused attention on our goals. Yet it's the moments of levity, the moments when we lose track of time and are just enjoying ourselves that is us living our purpose in real-time. There's a reason I ask my clients early on in our sessions, 'what do you do for fun?' 'What are you doing when you feel lost in a moment?' Bloom writes, “Pleasure and joy are learning signals—they teach us what to approach.” It’s as if every laugh is a signal in our internal GPS directing us where to go.

Laughing and having fun won't miraculously solve our situations, whatever they may be. But they break the spell that anxiety has over us--the dark cloud telling us that our fears are here to stay and that there is no way out.

I often find inspiration and answers through podcasts while walking. I listen to popular ones and some offbeat. But a few days ago, I decided I wanted something else: to smile, laugh, and learn through laughter--it was part of my attempt to live in multicolour. As I write, I learn that Amy Poehler, comedian, actress, and host of the podcast Good Hang with Amy Poehler, won the first Golden Globes award for Best Podcast. Her show is “not about trying to make you better or giving advice. Amy just wants to have a good time… making a rough and unkind world filled with a little bit more love and laughter, and laughing with people, not at them.” It felt like the Universe validating exactly where my thinking lies.

Personal development isn’t just about learning to forge ahead in the dark crevices of fear, insecurity, and worry. It’s about remembering who we are at our core before life made us “grow up” and be serious. So, if you’re looking to be the better version of yourself—the one who throws out the rulebook and goes for what she wants despite the fears and naysayers—start by exploring (and remembering) what makes you smile.

So, this being my first note to you in 2026, I am making it my mission to have more fun and laugh more. Here’s a small exercise you can try today: notice what makes you laugh, even if it feels silly or indulgent. Send a funny meme to someone you love, dance for one song in your living room, or simply let yourself grin at the absurdities around you. Start with these three questions:

• What’s the dumbest thing that would make me laugh out loud right now?

• Which tiny part of my day deserves a standing ovation for ridiculousness?

• If I could get away with it, what would I do that’s completely silly—and love every second?

I’ve spent years striving, chasing, and measuring myself against invisible ladders. I've kept myself in the space between grey and multicolour thinking that in order to succeed in life I have to be serious. Well, this year, I’m measuring it by laughter. By moments that feel absurd and alive. By joy that reminds me I’m not just surviving—I’m learning, living, and maybe even thriving. And not just when I'm watching those pet memes.

Plus I'm keeping that photograph of my mother where I can see it every day to remind me that no matter what is happening, to laugh out loud because that is the real secret to living a good life.

Monita xo