Tired of Forcing a Mindset Shift? Here’s a Better Way

When Mindset Isn’t Enough

I became a coach because I know what it’s like to push, perform, and still feel stuck.

Why?

Because I spent way too many years getting in my own way. I thought the answer was in my head.

I read the books. I did the therapy. I challenged my mindset. But change only came when I stopped pushing and started feeling; understanding what was really going on beneath the surface.

There was a kind of freedom in that approach. A lightness. A peace amidst the self civil war.

Even before I trained as a coach, I was drawn to what lies beneath. As a journalist, I wasn’t interested in headlines. I wanted to know what people felt, what shaped their choices, identity, and reactions.

Facts matter. But emotions tell the real story. That instinct guided me throughout my career. I was drawn to the moments of truth, when someone felt seen and released something they didn’t know they’d been carrying.

Get to the heart of someone’s story, and their choices make sense. Their actions have context. And when it comes to real change. That context matters.

Mindset matters. But it’s not purely mental.

Mindset matters. But it’s not purely mental.

We talk a lot about mindset in the coaching world. We see it all over social media. Change your thoughts, change your life. And yes…to a degree, that’s true. But mindset doesn’t operate in isolation. You can’t “think” your way through something when your body is in a state of survival.

According to HeartMath Institute research, the heart’s electromagnetic field is up to 5,000 times stronger than the brain’s.

Our brainwaves, breath, and blood pressure sync with the heart’s rhythm. In optimal states, we enter physiological coherence--internal harmony. That’s when we think clearly, respond calmly, perform better.

Athletes know this:

A tennis player visualising a win isn’t just being positive. She’s calming her nerves. Tapping into flow.

A sprinter at the blocks isn’t giving herself a pep talk. She’s aligning breath, body, and focus.

The best mindset aligns with your physiological state. If you’re stuck in fight-or-flight, empowering thoughts won’t land. But when your heart, breath, and brain are in sync, those thoughts become fuel. Your brain releases the chemicals that support clarity and confidence.

You’re not fighting yourself. You’re working as a whole system.

 When someone is in a state of mental, emotional, and physiological coherence, they walk differently, they talk differently, they radiate an ease and confidence.

Can we increase that coherence? Yes. We can train our nervous system to signal safety instead of anxiety.

Take the mantra “Om”—used for centuries in yogic traditions. They weren't just spiritual—they were regulating tools, calming the nervous system long before science caught up.

At the heart (pardon the pun) of it all, our nervous system recognises two states: safety and danger. That distinction shapes how we love, lead, speak, decide. But here's the twist: our bodies often equate "safe" with "familiar." If stress was your normal, calm might feel wrong.

That's why even positive change can feel uncomfortable—because your system is wired for the comfort of familiarity, not the good.

We do this work because that familiarity stops serving us. We want different. The current patterns within us are not helping us move forward toward the life we want. We can feel it in our heart. We want a different outcome whether it is in love, a work, in life. And that's when we need to get out of our own way by rewiring what feels safe.

My coaching isn't about forcing mindset shifts. It's about creating the internal conditions for change to stick. I do this by creating a safe space to explore what's beneath the surface. Asking questions. Using tools that get to the heart of who you are, why you react the way you do, and how to take action that aligns with how you want to feel and who you want to be.

It starts with awareness. With noticing. With owning your inner world, no matter what’s happening outside.

I spent years trying to control my external world in order to calm my inner world. Sentences like "I'll be happy when..." Or "if only they....". Peace didn’t come from controlling outcomes. But when I shifted focus onto me I could see why.

I started to notice when those emotions would surface and I started to ask why? I would become curious about the origins of my emotional story and how it shaped my choices and reactions to everything, how I saw myself, and how my body’s responses dictated how I would react. Dr. Mariel Buqué, author of Break the Cycle: A Guide to Healing Intergenerational Trauma has said, “The body holds the memory of what the mind cannot always access; healing begins when we listen to the body’s whispers.”

Growing up, I believed calm was only allowed after everyone else was okay. That joy had to be earned. That struggle was proof of worth. That belief lived in my chest before I could name it.

I stopped managing my mind. I started tending to my whole self.

It’s a daily practice. Because knowing isn’t the same as living.

My habits are simple:

• Pausing to check in: Is my chest tight? Breath shallow? Am I shrinking myself to feel safe?

• Breathwork: In for four, out for six. Slows the heart. Signals safety.

• Movement: Walking, butterfly hug, movements from Tai Chi. Change the physical state to shift the emotional one.

When our nervous system finds calm, our thoughts follow. That’s how we get out of our own way.

Understand the Story Beneath the Reaction

When you’re stuck or triggered, don’t just ask “what’s wrong with me?” I invite you to ask instead: what old story is my body reacting to? What feels familiar about this anxiety? Is it the belief that peace is earned only after productivity? That calm is conditional?

Getting curious (not judgmental) about these patterns brings context and from context, real change becomes possible.

Why Bother?

Because grounding clears the path for real drive--on your terms. We achieve our goals more easily. We show up as effective and impactful leaders. We show up as the dreamers that bring change the world needs. We feel our worth, not just know it intellectually.

We're not ruled by moods. We move through them. We return to ease, knowing nothing and no one can break us.

We get out of our own way. And help others do the same.

Because science shows our energy is contagious. The heart’s magnetic field reaches up to three feet beyond the body and influences others' nervous systems.

We feel each other. Literally.

We know when negativity is in the room. We know when we feel good around someone. Imagine what’s possible when we radiate from our heart.

It makes you think twice about the energy you bring into a room, doesn’t it?

It certainly makes me think twice about the energy I’m feeding to me too. Because my heart will always know.

So yes, mindset matters. But not in isolation. Your heart has to feel what your mind believes. This isn’t woo-woo—it’s biology. It’s the science of how you’re wired and your evolution which you can actively change and shape from the inside out.

Monita xo