top of page

Recent Posts

MR

Uncovering the Hidden Forces Shaping Your Life: How Beliefs Influence Your Choices & Your Experiences

Updated: Oct 15

Do you ever feel like whatever you do just never feels enough? Or that despite your best efforts to be positive, it all feels disingenuous, and manifesting what you want seems virtually impossible?


One moment, life feels like it’s going smoothly. You’re doing all the right things—things that are supposed to make you happy and successful. Yet, you might sense something isn’t quite right. When you look at the big picture and what others say, everything seems fine. If you’re single and yearning for a partnership, you remind yourself to appreciate your admirable job. If you’re in a relationship but lack a passionate career, you feel lost. Or maybe you have both a relationship and a career that looks great on paper, but you still don’t feel great.


Something is missing. You can’t pinpoint it, but you keep telling yourself that everything is okay because life isn’t perfect. While this is somewhat true, life reflects what’s happening inside you. What seems perfect to others feels far from it for you. Though you may appear "successful" to friends and family, you don’t truly feel that way. The more you try to convince yourself that everything is fine, the more life urges you to confront the core of your beliefs.


I’ve been there—I still sometimes navigate through it. Anyone self-employed can relate: believing in your own worth and success is a daunting task. Running your own business puts those beliefs to the ultimate test. These feelings of disconnect—the sense that something is missing despite outward success—often stem from deeper, subconscious beliefs that act as invisible barriers in our lives. These are the 'blocks' we encounter when things don’t go as we hoped. Whether it’s in relationships, finances, or self-worth, these blocks often arise from limiting beliefs we may not even be fully aware of. It can feel like trying to push through a brick wall.


This reflection led me to think about what that wall represented for me and why I struggled to find a way through it. Confronting this brought up uncomfortable feelings around self-belief and self-worth.


When uncomfortable feelings arise, I dive in to understand them. It's no secret that I am what the organisational psychologist and author Adam Grant calls a "creature of discomfort." Recently, I explored self-worth: who I am on the surface--the masks I wear to hide who I fear I am beneath the surface, and how my life experiences reflect my beliefs. This exploration led me to some interesting realizations. It made me wonder about the main areas of life and how those beliefs connect our experiences in them.


What if the way you think about money is connected to how you experience love? Or that your beliefs about success are linked to how you feel about yourself? Many of us compartmentalise different areas of life—money, relationships, career—but they are interconnected, woven together by our subconscious beliefs. They are part of what physicist David Bohm calls "the holographic universe" where everything is connected, where everything "moves together in an interconnected process." Clinical psychologist Maria Nemeth explains it this way: "...every aspect of our lives has a reflection in every other aspect. This means how you do money is how you do life. Our relationship with money is a metaphor for our relationship with all forms of energy: time, physcial vitality, enjoyment, creativity, and the support of friends."


Our subconscious acts like the undercurrent of our lives, silently shaping our experiences. A limiting belief in one area often influences another without us realizing it. The stories you tell yourself about what’s possible in one area—whether it’s love, success, or self-worth—likely influence other areas in subtle but powerful ways.


This is why when we experience a block in one aspect of life, it can feel like we’re stuck in others too. However, addressing these beliefs holistically can unlock one area and create ripple effects throughout your entire life.


How Are These Subconscious Areas Linked?


Money & Self-Worth: Our relationship with money often reflects how we value ourselves. If we believe money is hard to come by or that we’re not "worthy" of abundance, it could stem from a deeper belief that we are not enough. Shifting this belief can create positive changes in both our finances and self-perception.


Love & Success: If we believe love requires sacrifice, that mindset might also appear in our approach to success—thinking we must "work hard" to deserve accomplishments. By addressing our beliefs around love, we can allow greater ease and flow into our personal achievements. I’ve replaced "work hard" with "work smart" in my vocabulary.


Self-Image & Relationships: How we feel about ourselves dictates the quality of our relationships. If we believe we’re not enough, it can create distance with others or lead us to accept less than we deserve. When we shift our belief in our inherent value, our relationships begin to reflect this change.


Three Questions to Uncover Subconscious Blocks


  1. What is the common thread in the stories I tell myself across different areas? Reflect on your inner dialogue about money, love, success, and self-image. Do you notice similarities? For example, if you believe good things come only with hard work, this mindset might appear in both financial and relationship patterns. What were the conversations about money like when you were growing up? Did you hear stress, struggle, and conflict or did you see lightness, fun, opportunities, growth in learning about money?

  2. What recurring patterns do I notice in my life? Look for repetitive situations across different areas, such as always feeling financially strained or struggling in relationships. These patterns often point to a core subconscious belief influencing multiple parts of your life.

  3. What do I believe is the price of getting what I truly want? Subconsciously, we often believe achieving our desires comes with a cost. Consider what you might lose if you fully allowed yourself to receive love, money, or success. This can reveal hidden fears that limit your ability to experience abundance.


Three Tips to Break Through Limiting Beliefs


  1. Identify the Core Belief: Uncovering one limiting belief can provide insight into others. For instance, if you realize you hold a belief about financial lack, explore whether this belief shows up in your relationships or self-image as well. Addressing the core issue may shift multiple areas. Write down what comes to mind, what you feel and where you feel it when the think about money or love or happiness or success.

  2. Reframe the Narrative Holistically: Rather than addressing each area in isolation, reframe the limiting belief across your life. Instead of focusing on a specific outcome, think in terms of expansion: "I am open to abundance, ease, and flow in all areas of my life—love, money, success, and self-worth." This creates an expansive mindset that touches every aspect of life.

  3. Take Inspired Action in One Area: A small shift in one area can create a domino effect. Take one aligned action toward changing a limiting belief in the area that feels most accessible to you. If you’re working on money, this action could be looking at your bank account every day not with dread but with kindness. When we start to create a relationship with money, we can treat it as if we are treating a loved one or a friend, seeing it as the energy we need to live the life we want. If the numbers in the account leave you with a sense of sadness or shame, reframe that thought with words of "...I see growth. We're not where we want to be yet but we will get there..." or whatever feels more like your voice. But make sure it's a voice of compassion and kindness. If it’s love, it might mean prioritising self-care and self love first. As you make these shifts, watch how they ripple into other parts of your life.


Watching for Serendipity: Proof of Alignment Across Life


Once we break through limiting beliefs and align with our Higher Self, watch for moments of synchronicity—serendipitous events or opportunities that seem to "just happen." These moments aren’t random coincidences; they reflect our inner work aligning with our outer world.


For example, as we shift our mindset about money, we might unexpectedly meet someone who opens a new door in our career or business. Or, as we begin to trust our inherent worthiness of love, we might attract deeper connections in our personal relationships. These signs are proof that our aligned actions influence every area of our lives, as everything is linked.


When we recognize these synchronicities, we acknowledge them as confirmation that we’re moving in the right direction. They remind us that aligning our beliefs with our desires creates positive momentum throughout our lives.


Embracing Discomfort for Growth


As we embark on this journey of introspection, it’s crucial to acknowledge that discomfort and fear may arise. These beliefs are deeply embedded through familial, social, cultural, and racial conditioning. Sometimes beliefs emerging from trauma can extend back generations. This discomfort can create a strong urge to retreat into familiar patterns, making us want to stop exploring deeper truths. However, everything we desire—love, abundance, or success—lies on the other side of that fear. There are no shortcuts to true transformation; the only way forward is through. Embrace discomfort as a sign of growth, guiding you to understand the beliefs that have shaped your life.


I've always been drawn to the image attached to this post. Perhaps it's because I see the many layers that create the incredible depth and beauty of the cave. In this image, I see the layers within each of us, the layers and the beliefs embedded within that define who we are. Every layer is beautiful and necessary. Our job is to understand those layers, those beliefs, and shine a light on them to know who we are and what we need to change to become who we want to be. It is from that place of true knowing that we can make choices reflecting our intentions in life. It takes time, patience, and a lot of self-compassion to work through all the layers of our being. I'm still working through mine.


It is perhaps one of the reasons why I chose to become a personal development coach and why I feel I am in my authentic space when I am coaching. It is because I understand the courage it takes to hold a mirror up to ourselves. I understand the masks we wear because I have worn them too and to some extent still wear them but am in the process of removing them. It is in the coaching process that I see my clients. Really see them and hold space for them. I am the very real hand they can hold in their discomfort. There is no gloss, no veneer, no fancy mantras, no 3 step solutions, no false pretences of my own life experiences. The sessions are reflective of the complex nature of being human. I show up as me because I know in doing so it gives my clients the freedom and safety to show up as who they are too. My journey along the path of self-discovery has been extensive and filled with ups and downs but that is what makes my coaching so relatable because I understand and I can give some directions or signposts as my clients make their way along their own paths. I hold their hand so they don't feel lost or alone as they head toward the light of transformation.


This is what Adam Grant meant when he talked about being a creature of discomfort. He said, "Becoming a creature of discomfort can unlock hidden potential in many different types of learning. Summoning the nerve to face discomfort is a character skill—an especially important form of determination. It takes three kinds of courage: to abandon your tried-and-true methods, to put yourself in the ring before you feel ready, and to make more mistakes than others make attempts. The best way to accelerate growth is to embrace, seek, and amplify discomfort."


Remember, the journey toward alignment and fulfillment is ongoing. Awareness is the first step, but real transformation happens when we dive deeper, allowing space for new beliefs to emerge and take root through small actions that reframe long-held beliefs. If you feel a quiet nudge, a sense that there’s more to uncover, trust that instinct. Often, in those moments of curiosity and openness, the most profound shifts begin. When you're ready, the support you need will be there.




*When I talk about our Higher Self, I’m referring to the deepest, most authentic part of us—the version of ourself that is wise, intuitive, and connected to our true purpose. It’s the part of us that sees beyond fear and limitation, guiding us toward our highest potential. It is our voice not that of anyone else that may have been instrumental in shaping our beliefs and ideas of who you needed to be in order to be loved.

Comments


bottom of page